Happiness shortlived...AS USUAL!

I feel sad.  I think I'm not destined 2b happy.  My happiness is always shortlived.

Had a happy day yesterday.  Then, 2day I cried...been a longgg time since I cried due 2 sorrow (4 mths? Since I got bz wif project, I had no time 2 think of other things in life)!  And the sadder part is 2day I cried wif my prayer robe on...the last time I cried wif my prayer robe on me was in 2001.  Juz cldn't start praying bcoz I juz cldn't stop crying!

It was an ok morning.  Woke up wif migraine.  Can't report sick coz of work exigency.  Went 2 work, took it ez.  By 12.30pm, migraine was unbearable.  Took panadol & rested over lunch.  Had a gd chat for 1 hr wif Roshni during lunch.  Juz the 2 of us, after sooo long, alone.  It was unplanned, but I found dat despite the fact I was unwell & she was multi-tasking wif work, we covered quite a bit of topics 2day!  By 4pm, my migraine was getting btr & I was realy clearing work in zest 2 go home & enjoy my wkend.  At 6pm, my boss came over & once agn, she started her ridiculous antics!!! And dat really spoiled my day!!! Coz watever she said made me feel lousy & until dis moment, I'm not at peace.  I see myself thinking abt the matter & not enjoying my wkend.  I'm unable 2 forget it.  Coz until I solve it on Mon ... I'll not be at ease.  Why does she always talk 2 me in such an interrogating tone as though I've done some crime?!  Why does she always wanna win...juz bcoz she's d boss ... & even worse, now dat she's promoted (1 mth ago) to Snr Mgr.  Why does she always want things 2b her way & can't give & take?  I thought I was doing her a favour by resolving an issue myself as she's heavily pregnant & I wanna spare her fm having 2 walk wen I noe she's bz & I can handle it myself.  But it backfired on me.  I shld hav juz let her join me in resolving d issue, so dat I dun hav 2b answerable 2 her interrogations & cross-examinations!  I have controlled my tongue.  I dowan 2 curse her, she's pregnant. But wen she wont let me live in peace .... how not 2 curse dis kinda ppl...U TELL ME?!

At dis point, I thot of all my frens who resigned bcoz dey cldn't stand deir superiors any longer.  It's always sad 2 leave bcoz of other ppl.  But like I told Nikky, nothing is permanent, and change is inevitably part & parcel of life.  It's all destined.  How come I'm still destined 2 stay on?  I shld really complete my project & get my degree & move on!! Really!

*sigh*  Anyways, I left office & amazingly managed 2 make an adhoc appt 2 meet Nikky @ Tamp Mall 2 get something fm her ... & we ended up walking arnd d Mall after she finished her errand (a funny 1, shall spare the details here! hehehe..*winks @ Nikky*). 

Drove her back & came home arnd 8.30pm.  So hungry, decided 2 eat 1st.  As I pulled the dining chair, the leg hit the leg of dis round side table (wc we display framed photos) behind it & down came crashing a photo framed pic of mom & dad.  She was concerned if it broke, but luckily it didn't (amazing!!!) ... she tol me if it breaks, it's bad omen 4d relationship, dat the marriage will not last.  I was shocked, I mean, if d belief is so drastic, den wa lao ... dun frame such pic & put it the edge of a table dangerously la!  I dun believe in such things la ... but d point here is she has obviously moved the side table nearer 2d dining table or she placed d frame 2 near 2d edge dat juz a lil shake, it can tumble dwn.  I pointed out 2 her dat der's space constraint der, & she flared up, started comparing me wif Dad saying I'm juz like Dad, after causing something, will shift d blame 2 her (I hate it wen she starts comparing me wif Dad!).  Dad, nvr learns his lesson, nvr watches wat he says, added on 2 my complaint & started agreeing wif me & dat made mom really angry dat she snapped at Dad big time!  Gawd.  These 2 will nvr grow up!  Juz look, the frame didn't break did it?  Yet dey're spoiling deir relationship unnecessarily!! 

I lost appetite 2 eat, quickly gobbled up my food & went 2 shower.  Spent 1/2 hr in d toilet, reflecting on wat had happened, regretting even opening my mouth & giving comments.  She always dowan 2 accept defeat!  Always wanna win.  Always deny her flaws.  I took my ablutions after bath & decided 2 pray.  Saw Mom all set 4 bed, showered & prayed & sitting on her mattress in the living rm watching her TV in d balcony.  In d darkness, I called out 2 her & apologised 4 causing d trouble.  I tol her I had not expected dat juz by my ONE comment, Dad will add on wif 5 other rubbish.  She responded 2 my apology, but kept quiet after dat.  Den I tol her not 2b mad wif Dad, I noe he was juz joking (as usual)...mom juz kept mum.  I was shattered.  I tol her "Cool down ok?" ... and she says "Ok" & carried on watching TV.  Ok, dat's it, I've done my part. I went 2 my room 2 pray ... but b4 I reached my room, I cldn't control my tears.  I started sobbing uncontrollably in my rm for 20mins, b4 I finally regained my composure & started praying. 

I juz had 2 let dis out.  Dis is probably my last entry till I finish my project.  Since I resumed blogging, I've been at it everyday since last 2 days.  Addiction.  I hate being addicted 2 anything! 

I hate my life.  All d 100 gd things I do intentionally will go 2 waste over 1 wrong thing I do unintentionally!  I'm sick of such a fate.