*tears collecting in eyes* I've been staring blankly at this white space since the past 1/2hr. So much happened over a span of 8hrs today...but my heart is heavy, my brain is frozen, my tongue is tied...I just dunno where to start.
*tears collecting in eyes* Have I lost faith in people...or have I lost faith in myself? I grew up thinking I'm a jinx...I made an identity for myself (I shall do justice to the word humility & not be so full of myself here) & changed my opinion abt myself...that there's no such thing as "a jinx".
FLASHBACK...Sep 2003
Nursing a heartbreak, I decided that I'm done with matters of the heart & in an attempt to evade marriage, I decided to complete my education cycle while I still have the opportunity. I decided to pursue my degree in Mass Comm after a 4 yr break since my Advance Diploma (equivalent to 1st year degree).
Checked out few institutions, matched it with the few criterias on my agenda, and within a month, Auston seems to fit the bill.
- Shortest duration (1 year - cramm both Yr 2 & 3 into a single year);
- Cheapest;
- The syllabus covered are not dry & matches my interest (except for Accounting & Finance - no choice, management level courses all have accounting & finance);
- Convenient location (near Bugis MRT)
So I went to check Auston out & made some enquiries. Sales line, what do u expect - VERY PERSISTENT (irritating sometimes!). Stanley Teo - Student Recruitment Officer. Very convincing. Explained A-Z to me..handled my enquiries well. I told him I'll think abt it (for Mar 04 intake coz Nov 03 intake, registration closes end Oct, so it was a bit of a rush). Because this is a direct honours program (US), a graduation project/thesis is needed. Thought I'll cross the bridge when I reach it later. Stanley pressurised me into signing up for the Nov 03 intake with this:
"Graduation ceremony is held in Jan each year. If you sign up for the Nov 03 intake, you'll complete in Nov, meanwhile, while in your final semester (Sep 04), you'll get started with the final grad project, finish & submit by Dec 04, you can graduate in Jan 05 immediately. Whereas if u sign up for Mar 04 intake, you complete in Mar 05, u've to wait till Jan 06 to graduate, why waste time?!"
True actually, as though he knew I had no time. So anyways, I exhausted all the savings I had to pay the administrative & registration of the course while I applied for study loan with my co. I got the loan (which is why I'm $300 lesser each month for 3 yrs till Dec 06!)..so I paid for the course in full (there was a promotion of 5% disc if pay in full). So, I started the course on the eve of hari raya in Nov 03 (wah lao!!! fancy eve of Eid I was in lecture room & not chilling out @ home! 1st time in my life man!).
...Sep 2004
My 4th & final semester, the heaviest one, with 3 modules (as opposed to 2 modules in the previous 3 semesters!). Attended the grad project briefing & finally got an idea from the supervisor (who happened to be my lecturer Shila who took my class for 2nd, 3rd & 4th semesters) on how extensive the grad project is, each project take at least 3 mths. The final semester was like so heavy there were 6 assignments each due every other week!! Obviously we can't start on our thesis then, but will have to wait till exam is over in Nov 04. Which then meant that there's no way I can submit the project in Dec 04 & graduate in Jan 05!!! Called Auston & found out Stanley is no longer around & when I related what he told me, they told me I've been misled (technically, conned!) ..but "sorry ma'am, the person is no longer around, there's nothing we can do abt it, we apologise on Stanley's behalf". %$#@ &*$! I told Shila & Auston, I refuse to waste my time when I know I won't graduate till Jan 06, so I'm taking my own sweet time to do a gd project. Nov 04 - 1st 2 wks of Eid, I was self-grounded, facing my final semester's exams.
During the 1 yr of my course, these are the kind of ppl who came into my life:
1. Those who'd call me on every eve of assignment due date for help on assignment. This is bcoz, I'm possibly the only student who has nvr been absent from lectures, sit alone & pay attn during lectures, look bright (read: idiotic enuf to make use of). After 2 semesters, I decided to be "out of reach" 1 wk b4 assignment due.
2. Those who always don't turn up on the last day of lecture b4 exam & will call me to ask if there were "exam topics" given. My ans: I left lecture mid-way, try the others.
3. Those who'd call me everyday for the 3 days b4 exam (incidentally, I'm always on 3 days study leave for exam every semester) to ask questions (which technically is "where can the answers to the exam topics given be found in the text?!"). While I was bz reading all the chapters for the exam topics, all they wanna do is zoom into where the ans is found! 1st semester, I felt , ok la, while going tru with them, I'm technically revising myself rite. Come 2nd semester onwards, I "uncontactable" when I'm on exam leave. The only time I get to appreciate life w/o that beeping technology!
4. Those who doesn't participate in group projects but ride on me & my group bcoz of our fab synergy that always gives us an A. Even my grp mates started to slack by the 2nd semester we're together, bcoz they felt that I was too conscientious to slack, so they can trust I will not screw the project! I'd end up slogging & getting an A all the time, but regretting coz the rest get easy A by doing almost nothing. By the 3rd project, I decided to play their game..afterall, if u can't beat them, join them!!!
5. Those who don't do their project themselves, but get others to do (and yet very proud of themselves!)...and those who gladly do people's project for them for a fee (once again, very proud of themselves). With a paper, w/o calibre, I wonder how far one can go!? Bcoz with calibre, w/o paper, many have proven themselves ... good example...the punkster sch dropout who is now the proud owner of Charles & Keith.
...Feb 2005
By this time, there were some negative publicities abt Auston's administrative lapse. I was beginning to get demoralised & wondering if I really am "a jinx" afterall. If there's anyone who nvr fail to make me believe that I'm "a jinx" ... it's my MOM!!! *tears collecting in eyes* Thanks Ma...for always namecalling me "abhagan" (hindi for suay) & guess wat Ma...Allah listens!
Anyhoots, I finally got started with my final grad project (hoping to get it over & done wif & get Auston out of my system!)...starting with the proposal, getting it approved, working closely with Shila & conceived the project. After 3 mths of slogging & getting 70% done, Shila told me that she resigned & her last day is 1 Jun 05!! From 2 Jun 05, a new person will be contracted to supervise our projects & we were all given till 30 Sep 2005 to submit our projects. A Dr Jasen Loke came to take over. Cut story short, I had to technically revamp everything that I did with Shila, ie. 3 mths down the drain. I spent 1 whole mth cleaning up the project to meet Dr Loke's requirement & I slogged for another 3 mths & in Aug, we were told that wef 31 Aug 05, Dr Loke's contract has ended. So once agn, history repeats itself. So I get project over with & throw it @ Auston on 9 Sep 2005...a heavy load of my chest.
...Sep 2005
Auston is no longer in partnership with my uni (Upper Iowa Uni)...some troubles la...Auston's been having some bad publicities since early this yr, which is also why I'm dying to get Auston out of my system!! I've been in email contact with some Edwin Tan who is the middleman who brought UIU to S'pore. Raffles Campus is the new S'pore partner for UIU. Anyways, Edwin was supposed to keep me posted if there will be any graduation ceremony etc, coz all that is like so fluid, we had no clue abt the fate of our graduation ceremony (which otherwise was supposed 2b in Jan 06 by Auston).
Oh well, been celebrating since 9 Sep...re-living life all over agn, I feel like reincarnated! Told myself to just chill out & not think abt anything till after my Langkawi trip mid-Dec. Come back from the trip, then will think of what I'll do with my life. In the meantime, I did all the things I had put on hold, including meeting Habibi Liah for the 1st time after being online buddy for a year (since she was 8 mths pregnant with Zoha till Zoha is now more than 1 year old!) I enjoyed life for a brief moment, then enjoyed my Ramadhan, doing things I missed since the past 2 yrs, including but not limited to (attempting to sound like a lawyer!) making kuihs! Eid came. Eid went. My final grad project's grade never came!! After it hit the 2nd month mark, I called Auston to enquire (keep 4getting 2 call them, finally called them on 22 Nov), only to be told by Brenda, from Student Affairs Dept., there's a delay as the Academic Director marking it underwent an eye operation. My reaction was like "So?!" I went through my fair share of hell too ok!!! So the staff told me they expect to receive it in a weeks time & will call me (this week).
BACK TO THE PRESENT...29 Nov 2005
I was reading Lynn's (my coursemate) blog last nite & in her latest post, she wrote that her convocation is on 7 Dec. I commented on her blog that I've yet to even get my grad project's results, so was wondering abt my graduation, how come I'm not having any ceremony when I submitted my project 10 days after she did.
This morning while I was driving to work, I had a call but since I didn't have my earpiece on, I cldn't take the call. I knew it was Auston. I tried to return call since then, every hr, but no answer/cldn't get through. Till 3pm. And Brenda told me that they've received my grades for the grad project & asked if I'd like to collect personally or have it mailed. I told her to mail as I work office hrs & wont be able to make a trip. I asked Brenda "So, what's next, when will I receive THE papers, etc?"...and she started with "Oh ok, will u be attending the graduation ceremony?" I freaked & asked her "WHAT GRADUATION CEREMONY?! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS GONNA BE 1?!" She was puzzled how come I was missed out. So she told me to call Edwin. I called Edwin & Edwin told me Raffles was to have emailed to all graduating student & he read my email sharu@singnet.com.sg. I told him since when have I ever emailed him or even Auston using that email!? It has long ceased existence. How cld they just email such impt. issue & be so confident everyone wld receive/read the email? They had my hp no., they shld have called to check if I received after not receiving a reply. By right, since the email doesn't exist, they shld have received a delivery-failure report (unless singnet recycle email id?!). I tell u I almost vomitted blood @ Raffles Campus' attitude. Just bcoz they "adopted" us (the last batch from Auston who was stuck with finalising the grad project), they act as though they're doing us a big favour by holding the convocation for us!
Well all that aside...I decided to check out my regular caller (my coursemate who'd call me for every little consultation ... as I was 2 semesters senior)...she had mentioned abt rushing the project & graduating together hopefully. So I called to ask her abt the status of her project. She said she submitted, so I tested her with a "so what's happening now?" .. she answered coolly "oh, all is going smooth, they're doing a graduation ceremony on the 7th..." I cut her short with "Did u receive the email on the graduation ceremony?" and she said "yes I did ..." ... Once again, I cut her short with "dya know I nvr received anything, until I found out today that the graduation ceremony is next week?! Apparently, they emailed to my no-longer-existing email, w/o verifying my details & nvr bothered to call to check when I nvr responded!" She was like "Oh .. is it .. oh dear ..." Once agn, I cut her "how come u didn't call me to discuss abt this when u got the email?" ... this is the best part of my ordeal:
"Oh ya ah .. u slipped my mind ... I'm so sorry..."
*tears collecting in eyes* ...For the last time, I cut her short "If only u had called me Anita, I'd have known earlier!"
So with that, I reminded myself once agn, why I'm such a loner & choose not to have associations with anyone. I go to work to work, take my pay, once I'm out of the office, I've no emotional relations with anyone from office (besides the fact that 1 or 2 may still associate themselves with me outside office hrs...can't stop them, rite?). Same thing, I go to class to study, after class, I've no associations with anyone. The ones who did, I've discarded them from my life anyway, it's not like they keep in touch genuinely...but only when they need something. At the most, I'm only in touch with my former lecturer Shila.
So anyways, with a bad day @ work with 3 bosses hounding me (oh didn't you know, I'm superwoman, I split myself into 3 pieces @ work!) since morning, this was the last straw.
Am I really jinxed...or what!?
*Blink...tears roll down my cheeks*
PS:- I'm still wondering how come a graduation ceremony is being arranged before we even know our final project grades?! What if we fail!?








3. luminous blue tyre-aircap guards (comes in a pack of 5; 1 is spare, in case lose). I'm sure it looks cool on the outside, when the wheel turns, a shiny blue piece moves along. It'll be nice if I could drive next to a huge mirror, so I can see how it looks life from the outside! Hah..vanity!








