Happiness shortlived...AS USUAL!

I feel sad.  I think I'm not destined 2b happy.  My happiness is always shortlived.

Had a happy day yesterday.  Then, 2day I cried...been a longgg time since I cried due 2 sorrow (4 mths? Since I got bz wif project, I had no time 2 think of other things in life)!  And the sadder part is 2day I cried wif my prayer robe on...the last time I cried wif my prayer robe on me was in 2001.  Juz cldn't start praying bcoz I juz cldn't stop crying!

It was an ok morning.  Woke up wif migraine.  Can't report sick coz of work exigency.  Went 2 work, took it ez.  By 12.30pm, migraine was unbearable.  Took panadol & rested over lunch.  Had a gd chat for 1 hr wif Roshni during lunch.  Juz the 2 of us, after sooo long, alone.  It was unplanned, but I found dat despite the fact I was unwell & she was multi-tasking wif work, we covered quite a bit of topics 2day!  By 4pm, my migraine was getting btr & I was realy clearing work in zest 2 go home & enjoy my wkend.  At 6pm, my boss came over & once agn, she started her ridiculous antics!!! And dat really spoiled my day!!! Coz watever she said made me feel lousy & until dis moment, I'm not at peace.  I see myself thinking abt the matter & not enjoying my wkend.  I'm unable 2 forget it.  Coz until I solve it on Mon ... I'll not be at ease.  Why does she always talk 2 me in such an interrogating tone as though I've done some crime?!  Why does she always wanna win...juz bcoz she's d boss ... & even worse, now dat she's promoted (1 mth ago) to Snr Mgr.  Why does she always want things 2b her way & can't give & take?  I thought I was doing her a favour by resolving an issue myself as she's heavily pregnant & I wanna spare her fm having 2 walk wen I noe she's bz & I can handle it myself.  But it backfired on me.  I shld hav juz let her join me in resolving d issue, so dat I dun hav 2b answerable 2 her interrogations & cross-examinations!  I have controlled my tongue.  I dowan 2 curse her, she's pregnant. But wen she wont let me live in peace .... how not 2 curse dis kinda ppl...U TELL ME?!

At dis point, I thot of all my frens who resigned bcoz dey cldn't stand deir superiors any longer.  It's always sad 2 leave bcoz of other ppl.  But like I told Nikky, nothing is permanent, and change is inevitably part & parcel of life.  It's all destined.  How come I'm still destined 2 stay on?  I shld really complete my project & get my degree & move on!! Really!

*sigh*  Anyways, I left office & amazingly managed 2 make an adhoc appt 2 meet Nikky @ Tamp Mall 2 get something fm her ... & we ended up walking arnd d Mall after she finished her errand (a funny 1, shall spare the details here! hehehe..*winks @ Nikky*). 

Drove her back & came home arnd 8.30pm.  So hungry, decided 2 eat 1st.  As I pulled the dining chair, the leg hit the leg of dis round side table (wc we display framed photos) behind it & down came crashing a photo framed pic of mom & dad.  She was concerned if it broke, but luckily it didn't (amazing!!!) ... she tol me if it breaks, it's bad omen 4d relationship, dat the marriage will not last.  I was shocked, I mean, if d belief is so drastic, den wa lao ... dun frame such pic & put it the edge of a table dangerously la!  I dun believe in such things la ... but d point here is she has obviously moved the side table nearer 2d dining table or she placed d frame 2 near 2d edge dat juz a lil shake, it can tumble dwn.  I pointed out 2 her dat der's space constraint der, & she flared up, started comparing me wif Dad saying I'm juz like Dad, after causing something, will shift d blame 2 her (I hate it wen she starts comparing me wif Dad!).  Dad, nvr learns his lesson, nvr watches wat he says, added on 2 my complaint & started agreeing wif me & dat made mom really angry dat she snapped at Dad big time!  Gawd.  These 2 will nvr grow up!  Juz look, the frame didn't break did it?  Yet dey're spoiling deir relationship unnecessarily!! 

I lost appetite 2 eat, quickly gobbled up my food & went 2 shower.  Spent 1/2 hr in d toilet, reflecting on wat had happened, regretting even opening my mouth & giving comments.  She always dowan 2 accept defeat!  Always wanna win.  Always deny her flaws.  I took my ablutions after bath & decided 2 pray.  Saw Mom all set 4 bed, showered & prayed & sitting on her mattress in the living rm watching her TV in d balcony.  In d darkness, I called out 2 her & apologised 4 causing d trouble.  I tol her I had not expected dat juz by my ONE comment, Dad will add on wif 5 other rubbish.  She responded 2 my apology, but kept quiet after dat.  Den I tol her not 2b mad wif Dad, I noe he was juz joking (as usual)...mom juz kept mum.  I was shattered.  I tol her "Cool down ok?" ... and she says "Ok" & carried on watching TV.  Ok, dat's it, I've done my part. I went 2 my room 2 pray ... but b4 I reached my room, I cldn't control my tears.  I started sobbing uncontrollably in my rm for 20mins, b4 I finally regained my composure & started praying. 

I juz had 2 let dis out.  Dis is probably my last entry till I finish my project.  Since I resumed blogging, I've been at it everyday since last 2 days.  Addiction.  I hate being addicted 2 anything! 

I hate my life.  All d 100 gd things I do intentionally will go 2 waste over 1 wrong thing I do unintentionally!  I'm sick of such a fate.

Irony

Omigawd!  My boss called me 4 a performance review session 2day (& I was juz mentioning abt it last nite!)!  Not as bad as I imagined, really! I over-exaggerated my imagination!

Funny, she had noted, recorded & shared quite a bit of my positive qualities, wc she had nvr once showed dat she appreciated it until 2day. It made me realise dat no matter who my boss is, I am still I. And I can nvr change. So I shld juz be I & not give 2 hoots abt any other being on planet earth! .  Of coz, der was ONE negative comment (wc she aint recording, but for formality sake, had 2 raise still)..she hoped 2 c an improvement on my punctuality (not dat I care! I'd expected it nvrtheless).  I took d opportunity 2 reiterate d fact dat my coming late doesn't translate 2 shorter working hrs, as I stay later den I shld despite coming late (for a reason!)...I oso reiterated dat while every1 breaks 4 lunch fm 1-2pm to rejuvenate, I carry on working @ my desk, wc unles she stay back 4 lunch, she'll nvr noe...but so many ppl noe!! So oh well, for formality sake, I tol her I'll try 2 show an improvement, but I've explained myself nvrtheless!  Guess wat peeps? Dun dream of any improvement! Haha...wicked!

Today is a gd day 4 me..Alhamdulillah..for once, day @ work was great!  I realised it only while reflecting my day 2 mom while watching TV juz now...If I didn't chat wif her on dis, I probably wldn't realise dat I had a wonderful time @ work 2day.

The highlight of THE DAY was:

An aggrieved customer, Mr Glen Baker, whom I handled his complaint & resolved his grievance in May 05, emailed me saying he'll be transiting in S'pore & wld like 2 meet me & thank me & my team for the follow up 2 his unpleasant encounter.  If it's not possible, he would understand. *on cloud 9*

I feel genuinely appreciated, after so long.  I think I shld print that email & keep it.  I noe I won't be mtg him la ... coz, I was juz doing my job, it's juz fortunate dat my lil effort made a difference to him.  But wen I think back, wat if he turns out 2b a rich, young, handsome & single chap?  Wasted rite? *winkz*

Guess wat? Mom came up wif a new Sat itinerary 4 us (she & I)...every Sat from dis wk, once I wake up (abt 11am), I wash up & have b/fast..den we shall go down & wash my car. Oh, did I tell u Dad is not fit already (he's growing old la!) .. Two Sunday ago, he got in2 trouble wif health while washing d car, I had 2 walk 2 the nearby multi-storey carpark where he washes d car at...coz he cldn't drive back (not fit). *sigh* Stubborn la he...tol him he shld juz wash d car at our carpark... @ least if anything happen, he's ez 2 reach. Also, hav been telling him he shldn't over-tire himself by doing too many things on Sun ... jogging 1st thing in d morning, followed by washing d car & den sweep d house! Dat's his Sun morning routine. Finally, mom came up wif dis idea dat we shant let him wash d car anymore...we shall wash d car on Sat ourselves since we're free! Not a bad idea ... Sat recreation activity!

CONCLUSION: I'm not mtg Mr Glen Baker, nvrtheless.  I politely declined his offer.

I broke my promise & resumed blogging...

I resisted myself fm blogging out of self-discipline. Blogging is not reflected on my timetable, so I suspended my blogging activities (dun even hav time 2 review all d new hindi movies I've been watching!).  Ppl has been msg-ing me 2 tel me miss me terribly...I noe peeps, but wat can I do?  I chose 2 complete my education, so I shall bear wif the consequences of juggling work & study, ie. lack of time & no social life!  But, I'll not give up, not especially wen I'm oredi near the end of my journey.  I shall sing : Haste haste, katt jaye raste, zindagi yuhi chalte rahe..

I'm 2 weeks away from the completion of my final graduation project (Insyallah), well, at least dat's wat I see on my timetable.  Since I suffered from fatigue in early Jul, tks 2 almost a mth of non-stop functioning w/o any breaks.  9 hrs in office, 6 hrs in my rm (working on my project) daily on wkdays & 15 hrs in my rm (working on my project) on wkends.  The only breaks I take are, toilet breaks, meal breaks, prayer breaks & abt 4hrs of sleep during wkdays & 6hrs during wkends.  Why, u're asking? Bcoz..I was 2 wks behind schedule!  Oh, I happen 2b a perfectionist, who is so organised & stick 2 a goal-planner religiously.  Result: My body refused 2 function!  I lay asleep, unable 2 get out of bed for a solid 20hrs on Sun, 9 Jul (yes Haslinah, the following day after u came by my place 2 give me ur opinion on my project to-date, over pizza on d hse!)!  Dat replaced all my lost sleeps.  Since den, I decided 2 take it ez.

I learnt 2 stick 2 my timetable, but live a normal life at the same time.  I take my well-deserved breaks & watch TV/DVD (2 a pt my breaks were more often den my working on my project!)..heeheehee..but my work progressed, nvrtheless.  I'm near completion..but 2day, I'm juz not in the mood 2 do any work.  So I decided 2 update my blog.  Hopefully, dis will bring a smile 2 all dos who's been missing me genuinely.  I miss u too.  And I promise we'll chill out once I submit my project.  I'll spend a day wif each & every1 of u!

Things @ work has been lousy since I changed boss (Mgr) in Mar 05 (for the dunno how many times..4th time..in 2 yrs?)  I can't seem 2 see eye-to-eye wif dis new boss.  I think our characters clashed!  On top of dat, der was a Snr Mgr above her, which is on almost everybody's hate list.  Unfortunately, dis Snr Mgr shares my b'day (but not d yr, as she's 40++).  My Mgr is pregnant, anytime can go, & I've been living everyday of my life in office since d past couple of mths deceiving myself dat it cld b due 2 her natal blues (1st born, u see)!  Imagine going 2 office everyday, hating ur boss' face.  Dreadful!  She has nvr failed 2 make me feel dat I'm a lousy staff.  No one has made me feel so stupid.  I'm sure I'm getting a horrible review in my coming mid-yr appraisal!  But oh hell...who cares!  I'm getting my income monthly on the 12th of evry mth w/o fail...so Alhamdulillah!

I'm dying 2 go 4 Asha Bhosle's concert (on 13 Aug).  I'm not in2 singers' concerts, I ony go 4 the actors/actresses concerts, s dey r more entertaining...but I love Asha Bhosle!!  Still, altho I wanna quickly complete my project, or I see no harm in taking a 1-day break, I juz can't bring myself 2 give pleasure a priority over my commitments!  I'm a true believer of "suffer d lil hardship 2day & den sit back & njoy d gd life 2moro".

Since I last blogged & since I've decided 2 take it ez...

I've watched Waqt, Mr & Mrs Smith, Aitraaz, Kyun..Ho Gaya Na, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Bunty Aur Babli, Yakeen & Paheli.  My father-in-law Amitabh Bachchan is in almost every movie released in Bollywood.  He's richer den my darling (Abhishek!)  But Abhishek is not doing too bad either, his few films are gd.  Looking 4ward 2 watching Dus dis wkend.

I've been able 2 take time out 2 bring mom out (at least 4 marketing or juz "pasar malam").  Last Sun (31 Jul), mom even successfully coaxed me 2 go BIG Safe Superstore @ Harbourfront (wif Bro, who wanted 2 check the sale), after which, since we were getting down @ Outram, bro decided 2 show us his office, wc we fondly refers 2 as his "2nd home" since he spends more time der den @ home!  It's nice..@ least we get 2 see dat he's in safe & gd hands & as the blood runs in our family, his supervisor testified dat he's a dilligent worker (dat makes all 5 of us share 1 thing in common - dedication 2 our job, & no hanky panky!).  The evening b4 (Sat, 30 Jul), I went out 4 a quick dinner wif Sis (her b'day treat, 3 days belated).  Dis time a quick one @ Tampines as I've no time, after wc on our way back, we went scouting 4 bro's desk lamps wc he needed 4 his toy-shoot.  Got it cheap, as needed.

Dat reminds me, he's probably uploaded d pics on his portfolio-cum-blog, wc I've yet 2 check out 4 a while. Muz see, coz afterall, it's a result of my CREATIVE PC-CAM ... not bad u noe, 4 a cheapo camera, came in handy 4 my bro 2 fulfill his wish.  Ok ok ...gotta check it out...ciaozzzz...