Bewafa Sanam

Tune mujhse wafa nahin ki...tujhko kaise wafa milegi!  Tune mujhko dard diya hai...tujhko kaise dava milegi!

It wasn't an ez thing to do...but today I did something which perhaps no other girl wld do.  I (finally) mailed his gift back to him with a note telling him "GAME OVER & that I knew of the unfaithful act all along"!  I procrastinated for days & finally found time & strength to put my plan into action, since the time I decided to call it quits 12 days ago.  9 yrs ago, I did the same thing - mailed someone's gift back - and when we got back in contact (on gd terms) couple of yrs later, he told me what I did was cruel (Cruel meh!?).  So why this nasty plan?  Not that I care to know how he'll feel discovering that the one he thot he's been happily lying to & going scot-free knew he was lying & unfaithful all along!!  I cld've juz discarded the gift immediately when I decided to end it 2 wks ago...juz like I immediately deleted everything related 2 him...but no, I needed him to know that I'm not miserable, but am glad Allah saved me b4 it was too late (once agn)!

This (last thing that I needed to do) wldn't hav been possible if "Sunshine" didn't stand by me & accompany me to the post office to get it done.  She even offered to keep the registered-mail tracking slip (since I refuse to even look at it) to check for me if the package has been received!!  Once confirmed received, we're gonna celebrate over lunch!

Whatever happened, I learnt how impt it is to have a strong faith in religion & God...to remember that Allah will nvr test us beyond our ability to handle the test...to acknowledge that there's always a reason, known as a blessing in disguise, behind everything that happens in one's life. 

I realised how lucky & blessed I am to have supportive parents helping me travel thru' this rough patch...making it ezier for me to erase this chapter from my life...pretending it nvr happened & that it was but a nightmare.

I remain eternally grateful to my closest buddies who've been there for me (not in person, but spiritually in thoughts/prayers I'm sure).  I'm sorry I didn't give u the opportunity 2b there for me in times of my sorrow as I didn't wanna transmit any negative energy to other ppl's lives (as though they didn't have enuf problems of their own!).  Still, I can't thank u enuf...even for those things u'd have wanted to say to me but nvr did, coz I nvr gave u the opportunity to.  Thank u (u know who u r).

Perhaps , I'd nvr be able to trust another man agn after this...perhaps, even if I'm destined to get married eventually, I'm sure I'll always doubt & suspect my man, which I know is unhealthy for the relationship.  But I can't help it if in my eyes I see today's men as syaitan bertopeng manusia.

Mayb I shld just sit back & wait for a situation like in the movie Vivah, where someone like Shahid Kapur (don't mind ya Kareena!) comes along.  Until then, I conclude I lurve my singlehood (Errrmmm...I may change my mind if Abhishek comes back to his senses & propose)...no emotional baggage...no over-the-limit phone bills!