Depressed Mode

I'm depressed, but I don't know why.

Been feeling down since the last couple of wks.

Since the last 1 mth, I've not been able to materialise my lunch out plan with Roshni & Saidah (separately).  1 is to East Coast for my fave Roti John away...in Nov, we went but the stall closed for abt a wk bcoz the owners child got married!  After that I got bz, then I went for vacation, then it's been monsoon.  Another 1 is to have my Lemon Chicken Rice @ Kopitiam's Cavana Xpress @ Tamp Mall.  Just lurve Cavana Chicken!!

Monsoon's over...but everytime it's a gd time to lunch out...the other party can't make it.  Or when it's planned, when the day comes, gotta cancel it.  So yea, when u crave for something...and it gets unfulfilled for way too long...it does make u lose ur mind.  For fear that today cld be ur last day & u'll nvr get to eat it ever agn (I'm crying as I'm typing this!!).  So yea, I've decided that I shall not wait 4 anyone...will just go, ta-pao & have enjoy it @ home.

Work sux! I've lost the passion, the zest, the interest, the energy...and I know it when I can count the no. of mistakes I make @ work (but I always get away with murder...since sch!).  I've started job-hunting more seriously.  Decided to make full use of the RECRUIT section Dad brings home for me every Sat!  I sent out 5 applications this wk (although I bet I won't get a response from any of them!).  Few reasons y I've been dreading going myself to work since after Hari Raya.  And when I say dread, I really mean dread...to a pt, every night b4 I sleep, I pray that I dont wake up anymore...so I don't have to go to work!  But of coz, I still thank Allah for yet another day He's blessed me wif.  So if u think that's not DREADING work, what is?!?!? 

Reason 1: I hate almost all the ppl in the office (I'm fully aware that the feeling is mutual!).   There are a few attn-seekers in my office & their behaviour just puts me off!

Reason 2: They think I'm SUPERWOMAN.  Doing 2 ppl's portfolio & bringing home 1 person's pay/bonus!  Asshole!  It doesnt help that here I'm trying to finish my work & the phone keeps ringing, ppl keep walking into the office & I'll be the only 1 in front to have to attend to them..and 1 by 1 my 3 bosses that I've to concurrently report to at the moment will come & load me wif work or silly questions!!  Harlow?!?!  Can I get some peace to do my work!?!?

Reason 3: It's been more than a yr since I submitted my degree to HR on 31 Dec 05.  Not hearing from them until Jun, I lost my cool & called up to ask what's happening with my request for upgrade...only 2b told that the person I used 2 liaise with have left & the one taking over has not come across my case ever.  So I had to start all over agn.  Provided the new HR gal wif all the details.  Gave them 4 mths more, till Oct still no news...I started showing my disappointment wif CAAS to my boss, who helped to check wif HR...only to learn that "yes, HR admitted they've been sitting on it...approval granted, but they nvr got to ask my boss to write me a recommendation letter"...so my boss immediately got the letter done.  As at the time I came back from my Eid's leave, the letter has apparently left my Division Head & has gone up to HR.  I thought I cld start the new yr happy (which I know wont be that gr8 anyway!)...but it's almost end of Jan & I've not received anything from HR!  So gimme 10 gd reasons y I shldnt search for a new job?!  But what makes me even more depressed it, w/o the upgrade, my resume doesn't look gd as I'm applying for a much higher post that what I'm currently at.  And demanding such a big jump of $200-400!!  Of coz, y wld I wanna leave the comfort zone I'm already in if I'm not gonna benefit financially.  It's a different story if I get a job that I lurve so much that I'm willing to do it out of passion, even wif a lower pay. Eg. COUNSELLING!

I saw a jerk @ the airport (while @ work) juz now.  Of coz, he thinks I didnt see him...so he tried to turn his face away.  Unfortunately, Allah doesnt love me that much to wanna spare me from that ordeal, so He made me see the jerk...and that really spoilt my 2007 further!  It's a yr where I'm bumping into all the ppl I pray day & night to Allah not to make me cross path wif them!

It's affecting me...I bring my depressed mode home...that Mom has noticed it the whole wk & she asked me yest "why come home so moody?"!

Salaam-E-Ishq is juz not releasing.  It's been so long since I last watched a movie.  Last was D:2.  I'm really in need of 1 already or I'll go insane!  Dad brought home this VCD...PAGE 3. It's not the conventional commercial hindi movie...it's very REAL.  Life of the public figure in Mumbai who wld do anything to appear on page 3 of the newspaper (that's the celebrity/gossip column).  It centres arnd the journey of a journalist.  I'm always falling asleep after 1/2 hr of VCD/DVD watching.  So I take 3-5 days to complete 1 blardy 3hr movie!  I finally finished Page 3 juz now.  And thank God for Demand TV on Cable...I get to select a movie at a time of my choice & watch it for just $4.50.  Imagine...it's like watching movie!! Cheaper option, on smaller screen & less powerful sound system!  I "bought" YOURS MINE & OURS.  Hillarious...and sweet.  Rene Russo has 10 kids.  She bumped into her college sweetheart, a military man wif 8 kids...they got married & it was madhouse handling 18 kids...who has nothing in common between them...so they got together to break their parents up!  Of coz, they'll regret it in the end & try to patch their parents back!  Really nice.  I've 2 more movies in list.  WHEN A STRANGER CALLS, THE NUN & hopefully they'll play DA VINCI CODE.

Of coz, when I'm depressed...I think of others who's probably going tru worst in life.  One has a health-scare & I hope her appt wif the Doctor tomoro goes well.  When I think of such things, I try to think of the positive sides of my life...so I can try to cherish my life btr.  Hmmm...I think the only happy thing happening in my life right now is...Amsyar.  It's really hard not to fall in lurve wif someone as CHARMING as him!!  Really...he juz makes u feel loved & wanted.  It's a wonderful feeling to be mothering him.  At night if he's at my place & not sleeping yet, I'll kidnap him into my rm, put him on my bed (he vomited on my bed last nite!!! badmaash!!) & juz see him up to his tricks & cute acts!  Every morning, I make sure I chit-chat wif him at least for 5 mins if he's not asleep.  This morning, I was ready & late for work, he's not asleep yet...and weneva he saw me all ready, he started to behave like I was going to carry him & take him out (he behaves like that all the time when he sees anyone standing in front of him)....awww....bechara...syiok sendiri!!  But to compensate him for the loss, I lied down nxt to him & read him a picture book.  That surely made my day...I mean, I'd rather be entertained by him than go to work!!

Ok la...gonna hit the sack now...probably will be back in a btr mode.