Rather than ignore...rather than being in a home that doesn't give me a feeling of being "at home"...I might as well stay away from home.
I purposely wake up really late so that I can rush through the morning & can avoid him. But it brings tears to my eyes the moment I shut the front door when I leave home seeing him looking at me with hope in the eye that I'll carry him. "Why is Maasi not even looking at me?" Not even a kiss. For so many days. When I wake up, he's asleep...but seconds later, he'll also wake up, turn on his tummy & start crawling after me wherever I go!!! Even when I'm leaving, he'll crawl to my feet & try to stand up supported by my leg, hoping I'd carry him (he reminds me of a cat!). I'll just put him down back to the floor, salam Mom & leave.
When he sleeps, he's been restless & crying - he can sense that Maasi is distancing herself. "At least Nanima takes me when I wldn't stop crying...and sayang me...but Maasi just ignores me. Why!?" Sorry beta, I've no answer for u. I know it's not your fault...but I lose interest in things pretty easily, esp. when I feel that it's not worth my effort.
(TALK OF THE DEVIL...THERE HE GOES! AWAKENED & WAILING AS I'M TYPING THIS POST!)
Today I thought I might as well finish some work & go home late, hoping he'd be asleep if I reach home after 8pm. At 7pm, my boss asked if I cld help her with some figure-checking. I agreed to help telling her "no intention to go home yet, so yea u can give it to me". I finished everything for her...only @ 8.30pm!!! Wah lao. Mom will be wondering why I'm not home yet (usually home by 7-ish, anything later, will sms).
I came home...damn...he wasn't asleep! He was drinking milk on Mom's lap. I just did my normal routine. But Mom can't help laugh at how he tries to jump off her lap to pound on me! But I just walked away. In Mom's voice "Maasi, y u come back late...I waited for u at the stairs but u nvr came...only Nana came back". I dunno what else to say. Y is Mom doing all these. Y doesn't she understand when I tell her "I'm not interested!"
I went to my rm...almost in tears, but controlled. I thought to myself...y is that poor li'l one being punished...but I can't find an explanation...it's just my stone-heart. I finally relented & picked him up (b4 Mom gives me a cold-shoulder for nothing - It's a free world, but I don't even have the freedom to feel the way I wanna feel!). God...it's so heartbreaking the way he just clings on to me, kept looking @ my face, kept fidgeting with the collar of my pyjama. Except for that...he's still the same - gets his eyes glued to the TV screen when he hears the song Kasamh Se (Zee TV serial) comes on! And he can't sit still on my lap when I read to him his 123 & Colours book. He wants to hold the book & read himself...but it ends up in his mouth! Oh...his 4th tooth has arrived (the 2nd buck tooth on top is popping out!)...he's now officially...HANNIBAL!!
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